1 00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:43,670 Ten o'clock changeover. Anything to report? 2 00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:47,594 We're still lagging behind Red Dwarf, sir, almost 24 hours behind. 3 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:50,234 Otherwise, it's been a moderately quiet shift, 4 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:55,997 except for one small shock when we noticed an alien fleet off the starboard bow. 5 00:00:56,200 --> 00:01:01,513 Thankfully, it turned out to be one of Mr Lister's sneezes on the radar screen. 6 00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:04,478 - How are we fuel-wise? - Unchanged for today, sir. 7 00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:07,950 However, the supply situation grows increasingly bleak. 8 00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:12,193 We've recycled the water so often, it tastes like Dutch lager. 9 00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:16,997 - We're OK for food, aren't we? - Confidentially, sir, no. 10 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:19,913 We've no meat, no pulse and little grain. 11 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:25,473 Worse still, the only Liquorice Allsorts left are the twisty ones that everybody hates. 12 00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:28,996 What's more, space weevils ate the last of the corn. 13 00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:31,191 So what's under the grill? 14 00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:33,391 Space weevil. 15 00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:39,595 You can't serve space weevil, Kryten. 16 00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:45,596 Not even Lister with his single remaining taste bud will eat insectoid vermin. 17 00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:48,194 Let's face it, it's practically cannibalism. 18 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:52,552 But it's incredibly nutritious, sir. After all, it is corn-fed. 19 00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:57,672 - He'll never eat it. - Trust me. The first bite is with the eye. 20 00:01:57,840 --> 00:02:00,274 It's all down to presentation. 21 00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:03,913 Et voil�! 22 00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:07,440 - Changeover. Anything new? - Nothing much. 23 00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:11,912 Electrical storm, alien war fleet - false alarm - the usual stuff. 24 00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:17,438 Look at the state of this place! Why can't you clean up before we swap over? 25 00:02:17,640 --> 00:02:21,679 What the hell is this down the back of my chair? Peanuts? 26 00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:24,314 No, I've been trimming my verrucas. 27 00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:30,668 You have personal habits that would make a monkey blush! 28 00:02:30,880 --> 00:02:35,351 You really think I'm psychotically disgusting, don't you? They're peanuts, OK? 29 00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:37,829 Real peanuts? Where'd you get them? 30 00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:43,034 That derelict a couple of months back. I found them in the dead captain's jacket. 31 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:46,112 Don't look like that. You enjoyed that mint. 32 00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:50,432 - Where d'you get that? - He was sucking that when he got shot. 33 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:52,830 I had to prise his jaws open. 34 00:02:53,920 --> 00:02:57,879 You think I'll buy anything you say, don't you? 35 00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:00,634 Well, wrong, buddy! Now get outta here. 36 00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:07,638 I gotta keep my eyes skinned for the asteroid shaped like a moose you told me about. 37 00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:11,833 - Hi, honey, I'm home. - Supper, sir, and tonight's movie. 38 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:15,549 I'm sorry, sir, it is another Doug McClure. 39 00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:20,592 - What's this? - Sir? 40 00:03:22,640 --> 00:03:24,471 Raw carrot? 41 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:29,953 Kryten, you know how I feel about fresh vegetables. 42 00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:34,636 They're for health psychos, vitamin freaks, people... who exercise. 43 00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:37,511 I'm sorry, sir. 44 00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:44,434 - Is everything OK, sir? - No, it's not. 45 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:48,832 Some smegger's filled in this "Have you got a good memory?" quiz. 46 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:51,116 That was you, sir, last week. 47 00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:55,911 - Was it? - Mmm. Look. 48 00:03:56,080 --> 00:03:58,878 Nobody else spells "Thursday" with an "F". 49 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:02,718 I can't help it. I went to art college. 50 00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:07,670 - How's supper, Listy? - Delicious. We had king prawn left? 51 00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:12,953 I hate to go all technical, but swirly thing alert! 52 00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:19,710 - Where? - It's not on the radar, but I smell it. 53 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:22,150 - Nothing here. - Nothing on long range. 54 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:26,552 Is it possible you could have made a mis-smelling? 55 00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:29,757 Listen, butter pat head, 56 00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:35,193 my nostril hairs are vibrating faster than the springs on a Spaniard's honeymoon bed! 57 00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:41,515 - I'm telling you, something's out there! - No one's questioning your nasal integrity. 58 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:46,879 - Go to Blue Alert. - There's no one to alert. We're all here. 59 00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:53,155 I would feel more comfortable if we're all on our toes in a Blue Alert situation. 60 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:58,514 - We all ARE on our toes. - What about Space Core Directive 34124? 61 00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:05,159 34124- "No officer with false teeth should attempt oral sex in zero gravity." 62 00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:10,950 Damn you both! I want to go to Blue Alert! 63 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:13,116 OK, OK. 64 00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:18,429 Thank you. A bit of professionalism. 65 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:20,750 Wait! I've got something. 66 00:05:24,320 --> 00:05:26,515 Too small for a vessel. A missile? 67 00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:31,396 Whatever it is, they clearly have technology way in advance of our own. 68 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:35,229 So do the Albanian State Washing Machine Company. 69 00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:38,392 - Step up to Red Alert! - Are you sure? 70 00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:41,711 It does mean changing the bulb. 71 00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:46,315 There's always some excuse, isn't there? 72 00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:49,432 Range 15,000 gigooks and closing. 73 00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:52,598 - Collisi�n course. Suggest evasive action. - Engaging re-heat. 74 00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:59,238 It's still with us! It's some kind of heat-seeker! 75 00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:02,796 That's it. We're deader than tank tops. 76 00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:04,919 Suggestions? 77 00:06:05,080 --> 00:06:08,516 Sir, I recommend I load myself into the reverse-thrust tubes 78 00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:11,240 and you use me as decoy fodder. 79 00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:15,916 This will leave me splattered across space and unable to complete today's laundry, 80 00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:18,753 for which I apologise in advance. 81 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:21,639 Stop blathering and get in the tube. 82 00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:23,831 Kryten, sit down. 83 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:26,594 I'm not doing me own smeggin' ironing. 84 00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:31,797 Maybe we can reason with it. Open communication channels, Lister. 85 00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:38,195 Broadcast on all known frequencies, and in all known languages, including Welsh. 86 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:43,517 This is acting senior officer Arnold J Rimmer 87 00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:47,798 of the Jupiter Mining Corporation transport vehicle Starbug. 88 00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:51,236 Now hear this, 'cause it's only coming once. 89 00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:54,949 We surrender, totally and without condition. Thank you for listening. 90 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:59,398 Oh, additional. Sorry to take up your valuable time. Thank you. Bye. 91 00:06:59,560 --> 00:07:01,869 Bye. Sorry. Thank you. Bye. 92 00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:07,200 Rimmer, you've got a longer yellow streak than a stampede of diuretic camels. 93 00:07:08,280 --> 00:07:12,910 Know this about me - like General George S Patton, I believe in reincarnation. 94 00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:17,995 It is my conviction that in all my previous lives I've been a soldier, 95 00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:24,838 a bold warrior soul, who in this incarnation has been given the body of an abject coward. 96 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:32,111 So excuse me while I have a humiliating panic attack under the scanner table. 97 00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:35,958 - Here it comes! - Five gigooks to impact. 98 00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:38,156 Hang on to your wage packets! 99 00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:46,351 The controls are down! 100 00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:50,354 - What on Io was that? - A suction beam. We're being dragged down. 101 00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:52,551 - Fire up the retros. - Dead. 102 00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:54,278 - Auxiliary power? - Dead. 103 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:56,112 - Joystick? - Dead. 104 00:07:56,280 --> 00:08:00,558 The entire panel's deader than flares with pockets in the knees! 105 00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:04,959 I've located the beam's source. 106 00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:21,068 - What have we got? - We were snared 107 00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:26,678 by a malfunctioning guidance beam designed to help docking supply ships. 108 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:29,673 - We've shut it down and can leave. - Anyone around? 109 00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:33,196 - No life signs. - The ident computer is stubborn. 110 00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:36,909 All I could get was something about classified military research. 111 00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:40,550 Wouldn't give details, but the physicists involved - 112 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:45,794 Heideger, Davro, Holder, Quayle - the most brilliant minds of the 23rd century. 113 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:49,350 Whatever they were cooking up must have been pretty special. 114 00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:51,829 - Anything to salvage? - There must be something. 115 00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:57,389 Well, gentlemen, our strategy is clear. Let's tool up and go shopping. 116 00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:07,358 - What? Anything? - I'm not sure. Something. 117 00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:10,318 It's almost off my nasal spectrum. 118 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:19,879 Strange. A life reading. 119 00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:22,031 Why didn't it register before? 120 00:09:23,680 --> 00:09:29,312 Welcome, friends. It has been many centuries since I last had visitors. 121 00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:31,710 You, of course, are Kryten. 122 00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:36,118 And you are Rimmer, the hologram. May I? 123 00:09:38,920 --> 00:09:42,879 Now then... Yes, of course. 124 00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:47,635 Primitive. 125 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:51,075 So basic. 126 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:05,279 You'd better have a mighty damn fine explanation, m'laddio. 127 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:10,554 Forgive me. I converted your projection unit from soft light to hard light. 128 00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:12,159 Hard light? 129 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:19,832 I've got a body? I can touch? Feel? 130 00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:23,032 Puncture repair kit on standby, sir. 131 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:27,313 - But how? - I created the hard light drive years ago. 132 00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:30,756 My mind is not all that it once was. 133 00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:35,634 - You are Lister. - How come you know who we are? 134 00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:39,833 - You are in pain. Here. - Just a bit of Bangalore belly. 135 00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:43,715 No. It is something more serious. May I? 136 00:10:43,880 --> 00:10:45,359 OK. 137 00:10:56,520 --> 00:10:58,954 Your appendix. 138 00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:02,829 As I thought, you were on the verge of peritonitis. 139 00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:05,591 Cheers, man. 140 00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:09,590 - And you are the Cat. - You come near me, 141 00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:12,911 you'll be wearing them bowels as a bobble hat. 142 00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:17,955 You're all tired and in need of nourishment. Come, let us dine. 143 00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:21,914 - What is your name? - Call me... Legion. 144 00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:26,031 Please, make yourselves comfortable. 145 00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:29,038 Legion, these statues, you sculpted them yourself? 146 00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:31,674 Years ago. I was a different person. 147 00:11:31,880 --> 00:11:37,238 According to my connoisseur chip, they fulfil all ten requirements for being masterpieces. 148 00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:41,188 - You have a connoisseur chip? - Looking like Herman Munster's stunt man 149 00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:43,430 doesn't mean I can't appreciate art. 150 00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:48,873 - I shall return with the feast. - Can I eat? I mean, in this body? 151 00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:52,794 Mr Rimmer, you can do anything a human can do, 152 00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:55,190 plus you are practically indestructible. 153 00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:58,670 - I can't be hurt?! - Your pain responses remain the same, 154 00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:00,831 but you cannot come to harm. 155 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:02,797 Excuse me. 156 00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:09,229 His cellular structure is unique - part living tissue, part mechanical. 157 00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:13,638 He's got to come with us. He'd get us to Earth in weeks! 158 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:18,669 What a team we'd make. Legion, with his scientific genius, intellect and culture, 159 00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:21,718 and us with... with... 160 00:12:21,920 --> 00:12:24,673 With our Red Alert bulb. 161 00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:29,755 Let's head for Real Street here. This Johnny won't come with us. 162 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:36,109 He'd never fit in. Can you see him playing "pin the pointy stick on the weather girl"? 163 00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:40,916 True, but once he's signed up and we're off, it'll be too late. 164 00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:45,153 We have to pretend we're not the uncouth morons you are. 165 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:53,232 Here is the feast. It is a traditional 24th-century Mamosian banquet. 166 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:57,149 How absolutely divine, Legion. Although I must say, 167 00:12:57,320 --> 00:13:02,394 our souls are already gorged with the feast of art on your walls. 168 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:05,194 Are you interested in art, Mr Rimmer? 169 00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:11,509 Many's the night we while away the wee hours contemplating a Caravaggio's themes and form. 170 00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:14,280 The pointy-stick game doesn't get a look-in. 171 00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:19,713 Marvellous! Now, this three-dimensional sculpture in particular is quite exquisite. 172 00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:22,189 Its simplicity, its bold, stark lines. 173 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:25,432 - What do you call it? - The light switch. 174 00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:28,674 - The light switch. - Yes. 175 00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:31,229 - I couldn't buy it, then? - Not really. 176 00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:34,079 I need it to turn the lights on and off. 177 00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:39,752 It's a pity, because in many ways it could be considered a masterpiece. 178 00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:44,957 Kryten, please join us. Mamosian cuisine is quite acceptable for mechanoids. 179 00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:50,069 Indeed. It has long been a dream of mine to sample its unique flavours. 180 00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:52,708 Let the meal begin. 181 00:13:54,960 --> 00:14:00,512 I'm sorry. Of course. Not all of you can use Mamosian anti-matter chopsticks. 182 00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:03,439 I'm fully versed, Legion. 183 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:07,354 I'm programmed to be proficient in all off-worid eating techniques, 184 00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:13,117 including Jovian boogle hoops, and the often-lethal Mercurian boomerang spoon. 185 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:17,074 - But the others... - Anti-matter chopsticks? 186 00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:22,757 - We use 'em all the time. - Can't remember what a fork looks like. 187 00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:25,554 Don't let custard stains down Lister's long johns 188 00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:28,188 delude you into thinking we're not sophisticated. 189 00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:42,359 The trick is, of course, to never, ever, under any circumstances, 190 00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:45,398 to allow live sticks to touch. 191 00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:48,279 But, of course, we all know that. 192 00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:04,631 - Well, bon appetite. Tuck in, Listy. - No, no. After you, man. 193 00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:06,791 Wouldn't hear of it. 194 00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:29,032 Sir, keep the electron flow in the same direction. 195 00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:32,194 How do you land the damn stuff? 196 00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:36,194 Simply invert the ionic phase in the downpulse. 197 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:38,994 I was with you up to "simply". 198 00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:41,191 Like so. 199 00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:53,518 Sir, the glass is fixed. It's Mamosian telekinetic wine. 200 00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:57,753 - How do you drink it? - Simply will it into your mouth, 201 00:15:57,920 --> 00:16:00,753 then you telepathically decide on its flavour. Thusly... 202 00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:05,998 Ah! Delicious. 203 00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:13,192 Kryten, help me! 204 00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:21,636 - Cat, that's mine! - I can't help it, bud! 205 00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:25,270 - We've crossed wavelengths! - You're pulling my teeth out! 206 00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:28,352 - Try swallowing it! - I have! Three times! 207 00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:35,839 My friends, you are trying to impress me. There's no need. 208 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:38,275 Legion, may I be frank? 209 00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:45,118 It's not often we meet an individual who could improve our already top-notch team. 210 00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:51,913 But in you, we feel we have. In our travels, we've met precisely 31 individuals, 211 00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:56,358 and we've never felt moved to invite one to join our crew. 212 00:16:56,520 --> 00:17:00,638 True, most of them wanted to suck out our brains 213 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:03,837 or erase us from history altogether. 214 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:08,676 Nevertheless, they still weren't what we would consider the right stuff. 215 00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:12,469 You are different. We feel that you, like us, 216 00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:17,270 have the courage and the dignity to make it as a Dwarfer. 217 00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:20,151 Sir! Don't cross the chopsticks! 218 00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:32,313 Mr Rimmer, I am moved by the eloquence of your invitation, 219 00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:36,678 but it is quite impossible for me to leave the institute. 220 00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:41,789 - It was Lister, wasn't it? He put you off. - Nothing can change your mind? 221 00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:45,310 - Absolutely. - Then we must bid you farewell. 222 00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:48,313 - We have a long journey ahead. - Nonsense. 223 00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:50,596 You have no journey, my friends. 224 00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:54,912 I insist you stay with me as my honoured guests, 225 00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:57,799 from now until the day you die. 226 00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:00,959 Thirty-two. 227 00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:06,393 - This will be your cell, Dave. - My cell. 228 00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:09,472 You really are a nutter, aren't you? 229 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:15,032 Sugar Puff sandwiches, me favourite? 230 00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:17,634 Nothing here isn't to your liking. 231 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:21,873 The entire room is stocked for your own unique personal requirements. 232 00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:26,079 Two dozen eight-packs and a spare pair of sneakers in the icebox. 233 00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:30,756 - Faultless. Not an inch wasted. - All your favourite music and movies. 234 00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:33,275 Absolutely no Doug McClure. 235 00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:38,871 - You will want for nothing. - Nothing? What about company? People? 236 00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:43,631 There is a cyberpark here. You may go to any time period 237 00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:47,839 and indulge any fantasy you wish with any persons you desire. 238 00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:51,953 And that's in some way supposed to make me happy? 239 00:18:52,120 --> 00:18:55,351 S- Sorry, run that by me one more time? 240 00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:59,479 You will meet your companions in the morning. 241 00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:05,237 Now, you must excuse me. They are falling asleep. I must go. 242 00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:13,355 Amazing. Doesn't even need tuning. 243 00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:21,155 - Good morning, sir. - What does he want? 244 00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:24,357 Why is he obsessed with fulfilling our desires? 245 00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:28,911 We're all baffled, sir. Was your room also perfect in every detail? 246 00:19:29,120 --> 00:19:34,035 Impeccable. Right down to the overstarched pyjamas and nocturnal boxing gloves. 247 00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:38,432 - What about you? - Filthy walls, muddy floors, mop... 248 00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:40,591 I was in hog's heaven, sir! 249 00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:45,753 When I write my "Good Psycho Guide", this place'll get raves. 250 00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:48,434 Accommodation, excellent. Food, first-class. 251 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:51,114 Resident nutter, courteous and considerate. 252 00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:54,875 Psycho rating's gotta be four and a half chainsaws. 253 00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:57,878 Sirs, we must not be seduced. 254 00:19:58,040 --> 00:20:01,112 However munificent our captor, we are still prisoners. 255 00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:04,716 Every second, we lose more ground on Red Dwarf. 256 00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:07,474 You're right, Kryt. Cat, caviar niblet. 257 00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:12,076 Buck's Fizz. How do we get out of this hellhole? 258 00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:16,470 Why is he so keen on keeping us happy? 259 00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:21,668 - Could our well-being be linked to his own? - Like he's feeding off our emotions? 260 00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:25,156 When we arrived, the scans recorded no life signs. 261 00:20:25,360 --> 00:20:29,433 Could our very presence here have inadvertently awoken him? 262 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:33,713 Wait. I think I've got a way of getting out of here. 263 00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:37,589 Who's seen "Revenge of the Surfboarding Killer Bikini Vampire Giris"? 264 00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:40,350 That one slipped us by, sir. 265 00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:46,237 Well, in one scene, the female journalist who wore glasses and a tight sweater 266 00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:51,155 was trapped in the surfboarding killer bikini vampire giris' lair 267 00:20:51,320 --> 00:20:54,278 and came up with this truly award-winning escape plan. 268 00:20:57,560 --> 00:21:00,597 Ah, Legion. We have considered our position 269 00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:04,349 and decided to make a new life here with you. 270 00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:08,590 You believed I'd be deceived by that schlock plan 271 00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:12,719 from "Revenge of the Surfboarding Killer Bikini Vampire Giris"?! 272 00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:21,237 I just want you to be happy. 273 00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:28,193 Now look what you made me do. 274 00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:34,678 - What the hell are you, buddy? - Kryten knows. 275 00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:36,950 - I do? - You suspect the truth. 276 00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:43,508 You are a gestalt entity, a combination of individuals melded together to form one? 277 00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:46,280 My name is Legion, for we are many. 278 00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:50,876 What? You're us? All four of us? 279 00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:54,709 Our combined minds and personalities, blended together? 280 00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:57,593 Oh, much more than that, exponentially more. 281 00:21:57,760 --> 00:22:01,230 The whole becomes far greater than the sum of its parts. 282 00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:06,833 So we can't leave because you're us? If we leave, you cease to be. 283 00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:10,999 Without you, my friends, I am quite literally nothing. 284 00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:14,795 So if he's us, he can't hurt us, right? 285 00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:23,909 - Wrong. - But this is insane. Our pain is your pain. 286 00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:28,432 Kryten, you forget. Not only do I possess your combined intellects, 287 00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:34,357 I also share the sum of your malice and rage and anger, magnified many times. 288 00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:39,150 I'm capable of quite insanely irrational behaviour. Watch. 289 00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:47,357 The next hint of insurrection, and the scalpel ends up... here. 290 00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:50,438 That kind of tough talk doesn't scare us. 291 00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:52,875 Yes, it does! 292 00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:56,316 But what about the sculptures and the technology? 293 00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:59,438 - Where does that come from? - My first incarnation. 294 00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:02,797 I was host to Earth's five most brilliant minds. 295 00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:07,511 They were studying collective intelligence. I was the product of that research. 296 00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:13,272 Heideger, Quayle and the others? Your mind must have been extraordinary! 297 00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:19,555 But all too soon, old age began to kill them, and as each one died, I became less, 298 00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:22,518 until I was nothing, just a mindless essence, 299 00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:28,437 swirling around the remnants of my achievements, waiting to exist again. 300 00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:31,359 - One thing still baffles me. - What's that? 301 00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:35,758 - Everything. - Sir, permissi�n to test a supposition... 302 00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:38,110 - Granted. - Trust me, sir. 303 00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:46,509 - What's going down here? - The gestalt requires our consciousness. 304 00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:51,754 As each of us becomes unconscious, his power diminishes. Permissi�n to lay you out? 305 00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:55,037 - Just don't mess up my hair. - Thank you. 306 00:23:57,400 --> 00:24:00,710 Kryten, there has to be a more effective plan. 307 00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:04,111 - Sir, come back. - I'm allergic to being hit. 308 00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:09,957 You won't feel a thing. I'll render you unconscious using the Ionian nerve grip. 309 00:24:10,120 --> 00:24:13,430 That's smashing me over the head with a vase! 310 00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:18,720 There's no such thing as an Ionian nerve grip. Now stand still! 311 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:22,512 Your hard light drive's tougher than vindalooed mutton! 312 00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:27,439 - This'll do the trick. - You can't be serious?! 313 00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:32,629 Harder! Harder! Harder! 314 00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:38,318 Stop! Stop! For God's sake! If you want a job doing properly, do it yourself! 315 00:24:41,120 --> 00:24:42,872 Stop! 316 00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:48,797 Stop, Kryten! Clearly, I'm a hard light hologram and as such un-knockoutable. 317 00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:51,190 - I think you're right, sir. - Kryten! 318 00:24:51,360 --> 00:24:55,069 - I thought that if I took you unawares... - Kryten! 319 00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:58,949 I'm trying to think, you rubber-headed eunuch! 320 00:24:59,120 --> 00:25:04,069 - Right, got it. Turn off my light bee. - I can't penetrate hard light. 321 00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:07,596 You'll have to extract it yourself. 322 00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:13,077 - Now we are even. - I am merely you. Stalemate. 323 00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:18,673 Not so. Since your psyche is all mine, you are now incapable of malice. 324 00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:21,798 And because a human life takes precedence, 325 00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:25,589 you are compelled to assist our safe passage to Starbug. 326 00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:28,951 While the others remain unconscious, your logic is impeccable. 327 00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:39,992 - You take Cat, I'll take Mr Lister. - In many ways, I'm relieved. 328 00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:43,317 To have shared their psyches, neuroses and strange drives, 329 00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:46,790 returning to a state of non-existence seems like promotion. 330 00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:51,198 One last thing, in your original incarnation, composed of those great minds, 331 00:25:51,360 --> 00:25:54,830 did you develop anything which might help us pursue Red Dwarf? 332 00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:04,391 Here we go. Initiating ignition sequence. 333 00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:07,711 - Is this gonna work? - I don't see why not. 334 00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:11,270 It is indeed a fully functional stardrive. 335 00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:17,356 If we've linked it correctly to the engines, we'll catch up with Red Dwarf in nanoseconds! 336 00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:20,074 - But it's bound to go wrong. - Sir? 337 00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:22,959 - It always does, every time. - He's right! 338 00:26:23,120 --> 00:26:26,317 There isn't a dog in hell's chance this will work. 339 00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:30,069 Sirs, haven't we learned that if we all pull together, 340 00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:33,391 we are greater than the sum of our parts, 341 00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:37,473 that there are no boundaries to what we can achieve? 342 00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:41,872 This stardrive is going work. Do we believe? 343 00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:45,789 - We believe. - Do we believe? 344 00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:48,394 We believe! 345 00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:18,318 - Well, we know one thing, sir! - What's that? 346 00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:20,516 It does work! 347 00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:26,277 there's no kind of atmosphere 348 00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:29,671 349 00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:33,037 350 00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:35,839 351 00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:39,549 352 00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:43,110 353 00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:46,397 354 00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:49,791 355 00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:52,599 356 00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:56,514 357 00:27:56,680 --> 00:27:59,274 358 00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:03,513